I’m not sure why it’s taken me so long to get around to commenting on this; perhaps because it’s just too good, too weird, to be true. Over the past six or eight months, I’ve received three voicemail messages at work from the same person, calling from Naples, Florida. They’ve all been received after hours, and awaited me as I listened to my messages first thing in the morning. One message came about eight months ago, and then, two or three months later, I received two in quick succession, the second a follow-up to the first, which was so long it cut off the caller and forced her to call back to finish the message. I don’t know why I was called, though the caller does refer to me by name, which I give in my outgoing message. <\/p>\n
These are the weirdest phone messages I’ve ever received in my life. This includes the garbled message from some girl in college saying “Brian, I love you!” at a time when my roommate, with whom I shared the phone, was also named Brian. This also includes the daily flow of calls I get from disgruntled movie-goers who don’t seem to know how to read, as well as the strange series of calls from a certain Hollywood director who calls me every time he’s in town so we can go out for drinks. These messages are certifiably, conspiracy-theory, over-the-top wacko. <\/p>\n
They must be heard to be believed, so I will provide both an audio file and a transcript. Through a combination of Skype<\/a> (to call my voicemail from my computer) and Audio Hijack<\/a> [Please note: these messages, although overwhelmingly strange, also contain some offensive content. I was offended the first time I listened to the first message, though now the sensation is more of awe than of shock, if you will. If you’re visiting this page from somewhere else, just know that I don’t in any way condone the nastiness the caller describes, however incoherently, in her messages. Thanks.]<\/p>\n And so, a post in three parts, ladies and gentlemen: I give you Karen Freeman of Naples, Florida. Without further ado, message number one:<\/p>\n
\n (to record Skype’s output to mp3), I’ve recorded the messages for your listening pleasure. <\/p>\n